It’s not ok to take my son’s fingers out of his mouth [020]

Dear Stranger, It’s not ok to take my son’s fingers out of his mouth.

In case you haven’t noticed, it’s the end of 2016. Do you know what this means?not ok to take sons fingers out of mouth

It means it’s a crazy, crazy world we live in at the moment, and one where you do not touch other people’s children!

So my son sucks his fingers. Not just any fingers, I’ll have you know. It’s the index and middle finger of his left hand. It’s always those, and yes, it’s not just one, but two!

So what?

What is it to you, exactly?

What makes you think that’s it’s ok to physically grab his fingers and take them out of his mouth?

And what makes you think that it’s ok to make funny comments and remarks about him, pretending that you’re talking to him, when, really, I know you’re talking to me.

It’s not ok to take my son’s fingers out of his mouth.

Yes, we did try and offer a dummy when he was little, but he wasn’t interested, and you know what? I’m kind of glad he wasn’t anyway.

And no, I didn’t show him how to do this. The Husband didn’t show him how to do this. And his brothers didn’t show him how to do this. Like we didn’t show him to grab and cuddle people’s hair (or his own) with his right hand.

It’s just how he is. This is him. This is how he’s made, and how he’s wired.

And no, there’s nothing wrong with his fingers or nails. They look fine. And so does his palate, thank you for your concern. We’ll keep this monitored if we have to.

It’s his comfort thing.

He does it when he’s tired or sleepy and wants to put himself to sleep. So yes, for a little one, this is often at the moment. He does it when he’s not sure, or surrounded by strangers or in new places. And maybe when he’s bored.

So, tell me, how would you feel if, when you’re feeling tired or unsure and uncomfortable, someone came along and snatched your comfort away from you? Would it feel nice? Would it be fair? Why would they do that anyway?

If I don’t do something now, he’ll carry on doing it forever, you say?

Somehow I strongly doubt that he’ll be 30 and sitting at his desk (or wherever his workplace will be) and still suck his fingers. But if he still feels like doing it at 30, I’m sure the years of practice will have showed him how a lot of people seem to have a problem with this, and sadly, that will have made him curb his behaviour a little. He will have learnt how to handle it, I’m sure. And that’s if my future 30-year old son still sucks his fingers, mind you.

Either or, it’s not your place to decide whether he should or shouldn’t do this. It’s not your place to decide whether it’s safe, healthy, acceptable or appropriate. It’s just not your decision to make.

And it’s not for you to touch him and interfere with any part of his body without his consent, or mine. It’s not right. If someone did this to you, you’d be on your way to the police right now.

So please, next time you see my son with his fingers in his mouth, think about these things before you make any comments. And most importantly, please don’t take his fingers out of his mouth.

Don’t take his comfort away from him.

He’s done nothing to you – he’s only a boy, and he doesn’t deserve it. We didn’t come out today so that you could come and upset him.

So, please don’t do this again.

It’s NOT OK to take his fingers out of his mouth.

Thank you.

His Mum.


  1. Pippa Wood
    6th December 2016 / 4:48 am

    Why do people do it? Just why?

    And no, not an over reaction at all. It’s about consent and respect and most of all about it being none of their business.

    • Sara
      6th December 2016 / 11:21 pm

      Thank you Pippa 🙂 Sadly a lot of people do it. And the ones who don’t make comments about it, and not in a “aw, that’s so cute” way. It seems to really bother a lot of people! x

  2. 7th December 2016 / 4:15 pm

    No matter what anyone thinks for a particular habit it is unacceptable to take phsyical action to correct it if they are not the parents. if its not your child, HANDS OFF! #BloggerClubUK

    • Sara
      7th December 2016 / 11:18 pm

      I know!!! What is it to them anyway?!? That’s the bit I don’t get!!!

  3. Helen
    7th December 2016 / 4:49 pm

    Argh! When people talk to baby but they’re really talking to you, nothing makes me more mad! I totally feel your pain, a guy pulled out my son’s dummy from his mouth, I don’t get people’s beef to be honest. May be we should start poking them back!

    • Sara
      7th December 2016 / 11:17 pm

      He he – I like your style Helen!!! Love it, in fact! That’s it – I’m planning my revenge now! 🙂

  4. melissa abel
    12th December 2016 / 11:35 pm

    Bloody hell why do people do that, I had someone come up to me once and told me to stop rocking my baby in the pram because she’ll get used to the motion. Well Ok there is maybe a point in there and I know she didn’t mean to be nasty but actually you just don’t tell strangers how to parent. End of
    My friend is 32 and still sucks his thumb at night. He is married with his own family and has a successful job. Do his mates take this piss? Yes, does he give a sh**? absolutely not!

    • Sara
      14th December 2016 / 11:50 am

      Well, they do and they don’t (have a point) – I’m sure you won’t be rocking your daughter when she’s 30, right? So you do what you need to do and what suits you. Unless you’re hurting others or inconveniencing them in any way, I’m not sure why the need to jump in! At least this teaches me to keep my opinion to myself when it comes to how other people choose to parent! 😉

  5. 18th December 2016 / 6:16 pm

    Oh my gosh people amaze me sometimes! How rude! Thank you for sharing with #SundayBest x

    • Sara
      19th December 2016 / 3:07 pm

      He he – you’d be surprised! I get that a lot!!! And if it’s not physically removing his hands, it’s making comments about it! x

  6. 18th December 2016 / 8:44 pm

    Everyone has an opinion and everyone thinks they have the right to tell you their thoughts on how to do things. I actually slapped a ladies hand away when she tried to remove Harrys dummy away from him when he was a toddler. #SundayBest

    • Sara
      19th December 2016 / 3:08 pm

      Good on you Becci! How I would LOVE to have seen her face!!! She must have been so shocked!!! 🙂

  7. 17th January 2017 / 12:07 pm

    People are just the worst. I can’t understand why anyone would think to do this. I’m raging for you!

    • Sara
      17th January 2017 / 12:57 pm

      Aww, thank you Nicola 🙂 It’s a random thing to do, isn’t it? Him having his fingers in his mouth seems to bother a lot of people though!

  8. 17th January 2017 / 2:16 pm

    Wow. What the actual?! I never ceased to be amazed at other people’s capacity for being utter asshats when it comes to giving unwanted parenting advice. My almost 5 year old still has a dummy. I hate it. She loves it. It’s her comfort and her oral stimulation (she has sensory issues, is autistic). I’m well aware that it’s not ideal, that it can cause issues with teeth and speech, and I don’t need others to remind me. Grrrr! #postsfromtheheart

    • Sara
      18th January 2017 / 12:32 pm

      That’s the other side to it too, right? They highlight something that you might not entirely be happy with, as it if was your ‘fault’ or somehow your doing, when really, it’s just how some children / people are wired! What ever happened to live and let live?

  9. 17th January 2017 / 9:33 pm

    It amazes me how having a child seems to automatically give people the right to pass judgement on your parenting skills.
    Ben used to have a dummy but hasnt really taken to it. He prefers his thumb, but he chews it rather than sucks. he also shakes his head like how kids do to keep them awake, but its to make him sleep.
    If it keeps a child happy and comforted why would anyone comment on it? and more so say its wrong? just no.

    • Sara
      18th January 2017 / 12:34 pm

      It’s true – every child has their own little quirks. You don’t often go up to adults and say: “Why are you wearing that hat? It’s awful”, or “Why do you do that with your hands when you talk. I don’t like it”. It shouldn’t be any different with children, right?

  10. 22nd January 2017 / 11:35 am

    I love this post so much. It says everything that needs to be said. No two children – even from the same family are ever alike – what works for one rarely works for another. No one should ever tell a mum how to parent or place their judgements on her or her baby. Thank you so much for sharing this very important post with us at #PostsFromTheHeart

    • Sara
      22nd January 2017 / 11:09 pm

      Aww thank you 🙂 Totally agree with you! 🙂

  11. 23rd January 2017 / 9:56 pm

    NO! that is not ok. Some woman took my daughters dummy out of her mouth when she was little. I wanted to punch her! #postsfromtheheart

    • Sara
      23rd January 2017 / 11:13 pm

      It’s crazy, right? Would you ever??

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