I have 3 boys, and that makes me what I’ve been since my first son was born: a mum of boys. I’m often seen out and about with the 3 of them on my own – at the park, at school, grocery shopping, at football practice, swimming lessons, at the airport… You name it. And we seem to attract a lot of comments. Let’s face it though, not all of them are welcome.
Boys will be boys
Son: “Mamma, James kicked me in the face today at school!”.
Bystander mum: “Ah! Boys will be boys!”
What does that even mean? That we’re supposed to give up on them? That because they’re boys we’re just going to accept that they will get into fights, be rough with their friends and get hurt?! They are CHILDREN. They are human beings. They’re not just about fighting, making up poo jokes, peeing on the toilet seat and picking on their friends (but yes, they do do those things). Had James kicked a little girl in the face, said little girl’s mum would have been marching to the Head Teacher’s office straight away! So don’t tell me that boys will be boys please. It sounds patronising and like there’s no hope left for any of them. The boys I’m raising, in fact, will be your children’s boyfriends and husbands one day, so if you want them to grow into kind, decent human beings, help me try not to stereotype them, and they might just become the great men that I know that they will be.
You need to try for a girl
I don’t need to try for anything, thank you very much. We wanted 3 children, and 3 children we have. We couldn’t be happier with our bunch of little guys (as I’m sure you couldn’t be happier with your own bunch of children, whatever gender they might be), so no, I don’t need to try for a girl. I don’t need a girl to make me feel better about life or fulfil some sort of deeper need. In fact, I don’t even know what I supposedly, specifically *need* a girl for! I’d be delighted if I had a little girl, of course, and I’d love her just as much as I love any of my children, but I’m pretty sure that I can do most things in life with my boys, and I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything, thanks.
Crying is for girls
Just DON’T. SAY. THAT. To MY boys. EVER. I might just not be in control of how I react the next time I hear this. So let’s think about this one for a minute. We moan about men who are too quiet, talk too little, are not in touch with their emotions and cannot express their feelings, and yet when they’re little boys growing up we tell them that their feelings, their daily ‘dramas’ are not worthy of being validated because a little boy is never to cry?! Really?! When they’re hurt, upset, angry, whatever, and they feel like crying, my boys have my blessing to do so, and I’ll be there and do my best to help them through it. So thank you very much for trying to help me stop my child from crying, but that’s just not how we like to do it, thanks.
You have lost so much weight – they must keep you busy
No s*** Sherlock! Wouldn’t any 3 children keep any mum busy? You don’t necessarily have to be a mum of boys to be busy, do you? I work part-time, look after the house and my children before and after work during and generally every minute of their awake times, and often I’m still running around when they’re all asleep. So yes, like most mums, regardless of how many children they have and what gender their children are, I am busy. I do run around, I clock a lot more steps when I’m with them than when I’m in the office, and I’m pretty sure that you think I’ve lost weight because you’ve mainly seen me pregnant or with a young baby in the last 7+ years, so yes, if I’ve lost weight it’s because I’m finally not pregnant and my youngest is nearly 2! But thanks – I’ll take it as a compliment.
And finally…
Are you being naughty? (to the boys)
Ah, that word – a personal bugbear of mine! Why do we need to label children all the time? And yes, naughty isn’t the end of the world, but why do you feel the need to ask MY child (or are you really asking me?) if they’re disobedient and badly behaved? My children are A LOT of things, and they’re not perfect. Sometimes they don’t listen, just like yours. Girls do that too, you know? More often than not, my boys are just being children – happy, lively, running around, messing around with their brothers and letting off some steam. I spend most of my time with them, and I don’t call them naughty, so I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t either.
So next time you see me with my boys, ask me what they are like. Ask me what they like. I could tell you how different they are and how they like different things. I could tell you that they make me so proud and happy and then drive me insane the next minute, but I wouldn’t change them for the world, so please don’t try and label us or give us tips to change our situation – we are happy just as we are, just as YOU are.
Are you a mum of boys? What kind of comments do you get all the time? And how do they make you feel?
I wish this had a LOVE button. SO so so true. Every point you have written! Why do people always have to know best! Gosh, drives me nuts! #KCACOLS
Author
Ah, thank you so much 🙂 Glad you loved it – made my day 🙂 x
I agree with everything you have said! My son often gets asked ‘are you being good for mummy?’ or ‘Have you been naughty today?’ Why don’t they ask if he has had fun or where he’s been? I do feel that we get some ridiculous comments from people who really should think a little before they speak! #KCACOLS
Author
Thank you Cherry – in fact, since writing this, my middle son’s teachers at parents evening have actually used the phrase “they’re just boys”. I was impressed at myself for maintaining a cool head! So annoying! x
I am a Mum of 3 girls and I know how you feel. I have actually had people sympathise with me that I do not have a boy and ask if my husband is disappointed. I have also been asked if I am going to ‘try again’. Try again for what exactly?!! This is less likely to happen now as I’m almost 50 but it used to really wind me up. Loved your post your pic of your fab boys. #KCACOLS
Author
Ah, great point Sharon – there’s also this assumption that my husband is by default happy to have 3 boys, and a dad who doesn’t have a boy is disappointed! Crazy! Thank you for your super kind words! x
People are so stupid at times aren’t they? The things they say to other parents leave me stumped. When we found out our second was a boy we were told never mind, you can always try again. I have a friend with seven boys and you can imagine the comments she hears! #KCACOLS
Author
7 boys!!! Wow, how cool! She must always get the “You were really trying for a girl, weren’t you?”. It amazes me how people think that others must be unhappy with whether they have all boys / all girls!
I just can’t believe people actually say some of these things! I have a boy and a girl, and we’re thinking of trying for a 3rd child and have had people question why we would do that, when we already have one of each! x #KCACOLS
Author
Of course, because there seems to be this idea of a perfect family with 2 children – a boy and a girl. I wonder where it comes from?! Having 3 children rocks – great thinking! x
If you have 2 or 3 children that are the same sex, it must be so common to be asked if you’ll try again. I once asked someone (with 2 girls) if they wanted any more children. Their response was something along the lines of being happy not to try for a boy. But I wasn’t asking to find out if they wanted to try for a boy, I was asking if there’d be one or two further additions to their family (which could have been either girls or boys). It baffles me that anyone would try for a 3rd or 4th child to get a child of a specific sex, so I wasn’t expecting my question to be misinterpreted! #KCACOLS
Author
Good point Sarah! As you say, that probably happened because that’s what people get asked all the time! Or maybe subconsciously they DID want to try for a boy! 😉
Oh I totally feel this. My Nan has a habit of trying to stop my eldest crying by telling him ‘boys don’t cry’ which makes me so freaking angry! Crying is a normal, healthy way to express emotion! #kcacols
Author
I know – these boys will grow up to be boyfriends / partners / husbands / whatever their choices will be, and we don’t want the little girls of today (growing up to be girlfriends / partners / wives etc) to complain that their other halves are unable to express their emotions, do we?
This is a really interesting post. I can’t believe you’ve had these things said to you, some people are SO rude! Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday!
Author
He he – it’s more common than you think! I recently got the “they’re just boys” one again from my middle one’s Reception teachers! Aaargh!
This is all very true. I’ve just had my second baby boy and I get a lot of ‘you’ll have to try for a girl nrxt’. Of I get pregnant again it will be because we want another child not a girl..like you can pick what you get anyway. I love my 2 boys and don’t feel like I’m missing out at all xx #postsfromtheheart
Author
Ah congratulations on the birth of your second baby boy! You’re not missing out! You have your beautiful baby boys! Enjoy x
I have one of each and I am very happy with that but like you I constantly get questioned. I think people just get stuck for things to say so say utter rubbish to fill the silence #PostsfromtheHeart
Author
Very true, and I think I must have been guilty of some rubbish comments too. Sometimes you just don’t know someone well enough to be able to know what to say! 😉
Brilliant post! I have one of each and people often make it that their differences are down to their gender. Er no, they are just two different people! And as for all that ‘boys will be boys’/’boys don’t cry’ – well, BOTH of my child can be rough, but both can be emotional, affectionate and loving. These stereotypes help nobody!
Author
Exactly! They are different people! And I totally agree – stereotype don’t help anybody! Thank you so much for your kind words! So happy you liked the post and can relate!